Today for one of the first time ever I cried on stage.
Shit got deep out there. Broke down and bawled like a baby.
Why? I can’t even tell you the reason why right now.
All I know this process has been challenging, difficult, revealing, tiring, draining, emotional and raw.
Police violence is no joke, even years after the fact.
I still carry the scars even if I don’t admit it to myself.
Dealing with race issues day in and day out for almost 3 weeks, as I have been here in South Africa has taken its toil. Working with a white South African going head to head day in and day out, has obviously been eating at me more than I thought. The racial injustices and disparities I have witnessed have obviously impacted me more than I thought.
Sometimes there are no words only feelings. I do not cry easy but today the tears fell.
Today was the third performance of I to 1 with Iain Ewok Robinson, tomorrow I will be the last and we will have our first Q & A after the performance.
That should be a very interesting exercise.
I am filled with trepidation and nervousness, this is art, art at it’s most raw and revealing.
This is what being an artist is about the self doubt, the questions, the moments of madness and the moments of clarity.
I am not sure where on the spectrum I am right now!
Back in London today was the 7th annual United Family and Friends Campaign march again deaths in police custody, which I have been attending for years. I am aware that unlike many of the grieving families who attend. I am one of the lucky ones, I am one of the lucky ones who almost died in police custody, but who survived. I am one of the lucky ones who now has a platform to speak, expose racism and bring the horrific treatment, black people face at the hands of police to light.
This process was never going to be easy, but dealing with race in the land of Apartheid, opposite a white South African, without my usual support network was always going to take this sh*t to different level and it did.
One more show to go.....
Who knows what will happen on the stage tomorrow.....